Say goodbye to the chicken patty pass. The future of cafeteria currency is fast approaching and it’s coming in the form of ‘Bradesca Bucks.’
Commissioned by Principal Bradesca himself, the ‘Bradesca Buck’ rewards students for not being “that guy.” The currency itself was designed by junior Orlando Caraballo, and sports an elaborate, difficult to counterfeit, multi-dimensional, abstract pattern that features the Ignatius ‘I,’ and the words “Bradesca Buck” on the face side (though we would love to see a portrait of Bradesca himself in the next minting). The reverse depicts the school logo, an illustration of the tower, and the phrase “Don’t be that guy.”
Mr. Bradesca hopes to mint and circulate the new currency beginning next (calendar) year. Students will receive ‘Bradesca Bucks’ for behaving in a manner that complies with Mr. Bradesca’s “own personal criterion.” The Principles Office declined to comment with further details regarding this criterion. The Principal’s Office declined to comment with further details regarding this criterion.
Here are a few things that The Eye thinks would merit a “Bradesca Buck”
- Frequent use of the term MAGIS! as an exclamative.
- Dropping any reference to James Joyce, William Butler Yeats, Gerard Manley Hopkins, or Bono in conversation.
- Submitting your article to The Eye ahead of deadline.
- Submitting your article to The Eye on deadline.
- Following Principal Bradesca’s Twitter feed.
- Taking one, and only one, treat from the Bookstore per day.
